Balancing Act

Look at this incredible photo!  It is by extraordinary artist Michael Grab.  His medium is rocks and he balances them through a meditative act.  I've loved photos like this for years and he now is another of my heroes.  The photograph is a great metaphor for how I feel about my life right now.  A balancing act.

Find the story at  http://www.gravityglue.com/About.html  There is also an AMAZING video of this at:  http://boingboing.net/2011/08/09/video-of-a-river-rock-balancer.html

I'm finding it very difficult to learn how to balance my life correctly right now.  Yes, my last post was post-exercise adrenaline rush positiveness...and I've been incredibly tired since that day.  I awoke early yesterday and went to work while I felt good.  Today, I crashed big time.  I was only able to stay at work an hour.  I was back in bed and asleep as soon as my bed hit the pillow.  Apparently, in this area I'm a slow learner.  I listen to my body, but my head is saying I can push through. It's frustrating!  I need to learn how to balance my life like Michael Grab. What an incredible talent.  I'm so inspired.  My rocks are family, friends, work, reading, laundry, cleaning, health/exercise, and now....cancer.

While I list cancer last, I've found it to be another full-time job, similar to Kris Carr's explanation of her research into her cancer diagnosis and battle in "Crazy Sexy Cancer."  The bills are now pouring in daily and I review them mentally tallying how much it is costing but not being so uptight about it that I know exactly how much it is costing.  I talked about the cost of the Neulasta shot last night with Andrea and Bryan (Sis and Boyfriend).  Neulasta is essentially a white blood cell booster and it ranges from $8,000-$10,000 per shot.  Yes, I said PER SHOT.  So, as Bryan and I talked about the cost of the shot last night, I asked, "how do you put a price on your life?"  And he said, "your life is priceless."  Wow.  That was so profound.  

On a lighter note, my sister had mentioned a fruit called mangosteen that is supposed to be a new superfruit. She brought it up again last night in conversation and I immediately said, "I have mangosteen pee."  It just blurted out of my mouth, but what I meant to say was I have peach mangosteen tea!!!  For some reason, we both absolutely laughed about it until we were crying.  It was a great moment, maybe one of those "you had to be there," but I had to acknowledge it because it was so hilarious.  And we know I need some good laughs right now.  [Note:  they were visiting because we had furniture delivered.  This was a BIG deal.  My husband started a remodel project on the living room 3-4 years ago and sold our furniture in a band fundraiser yard sale and the only thing filling the living room since then has been wood, an air compressor, containers or stain, ladder...you get the picture. I am a very happy woman to have furniture in my living room to entertain guests again.  It's not Michael's fault, he is adjusting to his life with a brain injury - again - learning the balancing act.]

In addition to worrying about the cost of cancer treatments (despite having great health insurance) I am now feeling more affects of the chemotherapy.  My hair (stubble) had thinned quite a bit and my scalp was so sensitive I shaved it all off today.  It has not grown for at least a week.  I don't have to shave my legs any more.  Chemotherapy BONUS!  (the only one) I'm not freaked out about my hair at all.  

What I don't like are the other new health-related side effects. I still have sores in my mouth/throat, and now added to the list is dry mouth and sensitive teeth, and the bone pain that has started in the last few days.  And the bone pain is bound to get worse according to patient information on Neulasta.  I know it's the first 1.5 miles of my personal cancer 26.2 mile marathon. I have a long way to go with treatments.  I have a sense that exhaustion and pain are going to be pacing right alongside me on the journey.  If it gets rid of the cancer, BRING IT.  My life is priceless.  

P.S.  Thanks to all of you for being my cheerleaders in the crowd!