Ultra Marathon in April-May

Okay, I begin this blog with my heart on my sleeve and Catherina on my leg....STILL.

As I said in my last post, I was admitted to the hospital on my 44th birthday because I was hemorrhaging and had a severe infection in my bladder. I honestly don't remember must about those first days in the hospital. Actually the entire month of April and part of May is a little foggy. I have now come out of the fog. I'm vry grateful the fog has lifted.

As I said, the cultures they performed indicated I had E. Coli in my bladder. I was cognizant enough, with my job in public health, to know certain strains are worse than others. I lost five units of blood from the infection. Levaquin was the drug that did it's work and enabled the doctor to perform surgery on May 7th.

The urologist planned to perform the surgery without opening my abdomen. That did not work out. I had an incision from my pubic bone to my belly button. The incision was stapled together after surgery.
What a site to see all of the staples for the first time! And the tubes coming out of my body. I had THREE! One from the urethra, a JP drain tube (similar to what I had when I had my node dissection and mastectomy), and a supra-pubic drain tube. That was a new one to me. It was inserted into my bladder during the surgery, runs out from my incision to Catherina the 5th or 6th on my right leg...I lost track amidst the fog. TOO many. Along with Catherina, I had to wear diapers because of my incontinence. I only left our house twice in April because I was embarrased. I just called them diapers at first, then a friend of mine informed me they were to be called "adult briefs." In the end, I just called them my "big girl pull-ups." I am now rid of them. Hopefully I won't see them until my 90's!

The surgeon took four square vaginal tissue, for the lack of a better word, "swatches," from my vagina and sutured them over the holes in my bladder. As I said, it took him 5 hours. I wish I could have seen it. As it was, afterwards, I remember a bright light in my face and Michael in my face telling me the surgery took "FIVE HOURS." He said he was actually resting in my hospital room and wasn't near me as I got out of the operating room. It begs the question...what was that light?! I think this last year has been hard and I had a "moment." I'm not sure if it was "the light." A part of me likes the idea and emphasizes that I'm really here to DO SOMETHING BIG with my life. I have known that all along!

So, then the recovery began. The nurses were all FANTASTIC. So supportive. Listening to my rants. Honestly, several of the nurses and my family/visitors all had to deal with my hallucinations. It will make you laugh. It certainly makes me laugh now. Then, not so much.

I hallucinated I heard people out on the floor trying to be quiet so I didn't hear them....and I just knew Matt Shriver and Lance Armstrong were coming to see me. I mean I was SURE they were there. And I thought there was a phone bank marathon to raise money for non-profit agencies in Pocatello. Most people were donating money (I could hear the phone band and my colleagues on the phones, as well as my Mom and my Sissy) but, others were bringing in things they wanted to trade or sell and then donate the money to the fundraiser. I would beg my visitors to let me know what was going on and they would say, "um, nothing Denise." Their response made me think they were hiding something. Oh, what effects are caused my medications for pain! By the end of the 9th day, I realized I was just hallucinating. I also hallucinating there were ants in the bathroom and of other people coming to see me - that didn't. It's still on my bucket list to meet Lance. I would love to be involved with starting a LIVESTRONG chapter in Pocatello. I've heard from a close friend the Boise Chapter is awesome. We need one in Pocatello as well!!!

That being said, I stayed home for a week after being discharged from the hospital and started back at work this Tuesday. Of course, I did too much the first day and worked less hours the following two days. I'm having bladder spasms today so I've been staying down because, #1) they HURT, and #2) I want to make sure I don't do anything to impede the healing process. I will have another cystoscopy on Tuesday morning (5/29), which is when they insert a camera into the bladder. NOT the most pleasant of procedures and NO pain meds or hallucinogens. I'll have to think of my favorite things and pray that everything has healed suffieciently. If so, the next day, the urologist will remove the tubing coming out of my bladder and thus Catherina the 5th or 6th will have served her purpose and her demise will be ending up in a biohazard red bag. I am hopeful I have healed and this part of my experience will be FINITO!

A Few Other Things to Share

I was discharged from the hospital 22 hours before my son and daughter-in-law got married!! My Sissy took me shopping the morning of the wedding to find a dress I would be comfortable in (i.e., did not put any kind of weight or pushing on the tubing and my staples.) The wedding was fabulous. The weather was PERFECT. Conor and Bonnie were glowing.

They went to Yellowstone for a few days and then reality came crashing back to all of us. Conor packed up his room and left five days after the wedding with Bonnie to go to SLC for his mobilization to Ft. Hood, Texas. Bonnie, Olivia, and I watched with tears as he walked up the steps of the plane and turned to wave goodbye. This was the third time I've had to say good-bye to my guys for a deployment. The one consolation is their little baby is due in a month and Conor will be able to come home for 4-5 days to see his son. Then, he will serve out the rest of his deployment and he will be in Kuwait for 9 months. Heartwrenching to a Mother and his wife.

Next Up

Now that I'm not completely absorbed with my bladder issue - pun intended - do you get it? I am back to reality that I'm a cancer survivor of an agressive cancer. I will see the chemo oncologist soon and then change between the two oncologists for appointments every three months. We talked at length about it at my last appointment at the Cancer Center and the radiation oncologist said it will be "vigilant monitoring" with the hopes nothing like a lump develops for the next three to five years. That is the timeframe this type of cancer comes back. Once I'm at 5 years I'll be good to go as far as TNBC. But we also need to be vigilant of other types of cancer because I am BRCA2+. This is a lesson for me to stop being a stressed out Energizer Worry Wart and live in the current moment. Since I found my first cancerous myself one year ago now, I'll still be checking every now and then for a lump. Certainly not daily. I'm ready to move on and, as I said, live in the moment.

Daily Reality

Reality really hit me today. Yes, I was resting, but I needed more water, and I happened to walk by our laundry room. I noticed the cat boxes were full. That was something I wasn't supposed to do while being treated for cancer. No doo-duty! I loved it. But, I cleaned them today. I didn't enjoy it at all...but is a sign that life is getting back to normal.

Signing off for now. I'm really reflecting on Memorial Day Weekend and its meaning. It makes me mournful and thinking about what this world would be like with no war.

With that...I'll say a little prayer for PEACE.
~Denise

Major Complications

Yes, I had a major complication last week. On my birthday,I began to hemmorage. Michael took me to the hospital and the said I had a raging infection. I don't remember anything in regards to being admitted to the surgical floor. I've been in the hospital for four days now, and tomorrow I am scheduled to have surgery to repair two vesicovaginal fistla's. I hope the surgeon looks at my chart and sees that the infection has taken care of the infection so well. The cultures grew E. coli! And, it has been very difficult to overcome. In fact, one of the nurses last night said I had a near death experience. Okay, off to sleep I go. I just wanted to write a quick post about what has gone on in this last week. LiveSTRONG.