My memory is a bit scattered lately, but I think I wrote last week about finding a lump in my axilla/armpit. I had it checked and it was thought to be scar tissue from the July 7th surgery.
Luckily, the surgeon's office called me late this afternoon to see how I was doing. If I was doing okay, the surgeon was suggesting I wait to have the stitches taken out on Monday when I have surgery to have the port placed by my clavicle. I voiced my concern about my lump and the woman said to just keep the appointment tomorrow. She said it's possible the surgeon would opt to biopsy the lump on Monday while I have surgery.
Tonight when I got home and changed into something more comfortable, I looked in the mirror and I can see the lump. It just seems too big and yes, I'm worried. I guess for the rest of my life any time I find a lump it's something to be concerned about and reason to have it checked right away. I'm thankful I will see the surgeon tomorrow.
While I'm extremely anxious about starting chemotherapy next week, I hope that this issue doesn't keep me from starting that treatment. I want chemo to kill the cancerous cells. My sister asked me today "what exactly does chemotherapy do?" Very good question! (I will get to radiation later in my treatment.)
According to the National Cancer Institute, "Chemotherapy works by destroying cancer cells; unfortunately, it cannot tell the difference between a cancer cell and some healthy cells. So chemotherapy eliminates not only the fast-growing cancer cells but also other fast-growing cells in your body, including hair and blood cells."*
I've had what is known as adjuvant therapy. The tumor and cancerous lymph nodes were removed prior to starting chemotherapy and radiation. In some instances, people have neoadjuvant therapy. Chemotherapy is started first and the remaining cancer is surgically removed after chemotherapy has been completed.
Enough stressing about the new "development" under my arm! On to positive thoughts!
I have had visits from friends and family lately that have been so UPLIFTING! Thank you! I now have a new way of thinking when I wake up in the morning, thanks to my sister, Andrea. I told her it's still surreal that I have cancer. I wake up every morning and have maybe a minute of peace and then it hits me again...I have cancer. One cancer survivor I know said you never really get over that . But, my sister said every morning I need to wake up and think something like "this is the day the cancer is getting smaller." A positive affirmation the cancer will go AWAY.
I also had a wonderful visit with my Dad last night on the phone. While we are hoping for the BEST possible outcome, he offered to move back Pocatello and help take care of me/Michael. (For those of you who are new to the site, my husband is a soldier and has a brain injury from bomb blasts in Iraq.) That meant the world to me. Thanks, Dad and Ellie.
Off to listen to make some dinner and meditate before going to bed!
*Chemotherapy and you. National Cancer Institute. Updated May 2007. NIH Publication No. 07—7156. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/chemotherapy—and—you.pdf. Accessed May 12, 2010.
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