Chemo Complete, but Life Turned Upside Down

Wow, what a day. Yes, I have completed by my eighth and final chemotherapy treatment!!!! I am so thrilled to have made it.

It was actually overshadowed by what happened prior to being hooked up for the infusions. The oncologist visited with Michael and I and explained he was very happy no cancer showed up in the chest CT or MRI. In his words, "that would have been very bad."

I then explained to him I'm still very concerned about the lumps in my axilla because there are very similar in feel to the first tumor/lymph node that was found to be metastatic carcinoma. He then said he is equally concerned. He was going to dismiss me! He wanted to bring in his partner, the radiation oncologist, to get his take on the situation, because that is the next phase.

He came in to visit with Michael and I and palates the two lymph nodes and said he is very concerned. He said this is an unusual presentation and he doesn't trust anything about this cancer. What he wants to see happen, and very quickly, is a referral to a surgeon in Salt Lake City for a consult. I gave him the name of my preference, given to me buy a survivor, and he actually did his residency with him... So possibly a good connection! He wants the lymph nodes removed and biopsies AND a double mastectomy. Both doctors want this to happen once I've had three weeks to recover from my Taxol treatment and the surgery to take place between December 5th and the 15th. They want it expedited because of the aggressiveness of this cancer. That is my preference too.

What it took me a long time to comprehend as I struggled to process this news is that they don't want me to have immediate breast reconstruction. There can often be complications, and
they want to be able to get radiation started one month after that surgery has been completed.
I was hoping instead of getting two new front teeth for Christmas, I would have two cancer free breasts! That is not to be the case. I must now shift my thought process to the reality that it will likely be difficult to be without breasts, and see the resulting scars from the surgery. I'm terrified of what it will look like and how it will challenge my femininity and psyche...but it has to be done to save my life, right? So I will take it in stride and I'm sure eventually accept those scars until reconstruction. It's not like I have a modeling gig on the catwalk anytime soon.

It's yet another prompting by the powers that be to teach me I can be Miss Organized Type A all i want, but circumstances change and I need to relax, take a breathe, and take the new plan in stride. There is a reason for everything and this reason is TO SAVE MY LIFE. I'll take that.
L