Done with Sixth Chemo

I had my sixth chemotherapy session on Tuesday.  It was my first session with Michael home.  It was very comforting to have him with me.  We had a brief visit with the P.A. before starting chemo.  We discussed my decision to have an oophorectomy and bi-lateral mastectomy.  I could have the oophorectomy in the 4-6 weeks between chemo and radiation.  There are also some decisions to be made about my bi-lateral mastectomy prior to starting radiation.  She also asked me if chemo has put me into menopause.  That answer is YES.  Perhaps that is why I'm feeling rather depressed and overwhelmed today.  I also talked with her about how excruciating the bone pain was with the last round.  We decided to nix the Neulasta shot this round and see if it helps reduce the pain - and hope my white blood cell counts stay in the healthy range and I don't get sick.  And, it's a good thing we're trying to go without it.  I got the bill for my treatments for the month of September and the price of the Neulasta injection went up from the August billing.  It went from $12,387 to $13,497!!!  Goodness, why in the world would it increase that much in one month?  And, I  got two injections in September.  

Next, we then moved to the chemo suite.  It was my second round of Taxol.  After about 15-20 minutes I had a slight adverse reaction to it.  I was listening to Michael and my friend Carol talking when suddenly I felt a strange sensation in my chest.  It felt like a fog was setting in.  Then, I began to have difficulty breathing.  I waited for about a minute and starting waving at Michael and Carol and asked them to get the nurse.  As I struggled to breathe, she immediately stopped the Taxol infusion and took my blood pressure.  It was high, especially my diastolic pressure.  I just focused on breathing and worked to calm myself down so we could restart the infusion.  We restarted it about 45 minutes later.  Once sure I wasn't going to have any other problems, I took a nap because the combination of Zofran, Ativan, and Benadryl makes me very tired.  We were there for a total of seven hours.  

I'm battling extreme fatigue now.  Some bone pain.  It appears as though my friend "thrush" is making another appearance.  I actually have signs of thrush on my gums, which has been there for about a week.  And, I'm quite depressed.  Maybe it's the doldrums of chemotherapy.  I only have two chemo sessions left.  Then time off to heal and then start radiation.  

I can't help but wonder if the poison being infused into my body every two weeks is killing the cancerous cells?  Will I have a recurrence?  There is a 30% chance it will return in my lungs, liver, or brain.  I hated statistics while working in my master's degree and I don't like these statistics at all.  Being BRCA2+ also increases my chances of other types of cancer.  True to my nature, I have been reading scientific articles that are coming out regarding triple-negative breast cancer and quite frankly, it's upsetting.  I know, many of you think I should quit reading these articles.  But, I'm looking for good news in these articles!  Sifting through them for new treatments or studies that have a glimmer of hope.  

I know a lot of the fight is mental.  A positive attitude.  A will to live.  I certainly have that.  I want to see my son and daughter finish college, get married, and have successful careers.  I want to grow old with Michael.  I want to start running again.  Watch the changing seasons.  Autumn is my favorite season and I feel like I'm missing this fall because I'm always resting and/or sleeping.  

Today is just one of those down days.  It has to be normal for someone living in the shadow of cancer.