Tuesday, October 2, 2012

LIVESTRONG Day and an Update

Hello! I'm jumping back into my blog on LIVESTRONG Day. It has been a day of reflection for me. Let's see if I can quickly update everyone.

I feel like this is almost a confessional..."it has been three months since my last post." I apologize for my absence! My last post referred to life changes and my happiness. I took some time away from the blog to get more grounded and to focus on my survivorship. I was happily walking on my new path when I hit a small detour...

About a month ago I had quite a scare. As I got ready for work on a Monday morning I began to cough up blood. It was enough to really startle me. I thought I would drop my daughter off at school and just call the cancer center to make an appointment and then had the realization that based on my history I should go to the emergency department (ED). And, triple negative breast cancer (TNBC) typically comes back in the lungs, liver, or brain. Based on that, I was more than concerned, I was worried I had lung cancer. In the ED I was initially tested for a pulmonary embolism based on my history of chemo, radiation, and the six surgeries I've had in the past year. The test was a CT angiogram and the test came back negative, but the nodule on my rib that we've been watching was detected. My surgeon was immediately called and I was instructed to call her when I went home. I did. When I saw her two days later she referred me to have a biopsy. She wanted me to see my oncologist immediately about the bloody cough. My oncologist referred me to a pulmonologist and they agreed I should be on an antibiotic because we have had severe wildfires and the smoke in our valley had made air quality bad.

I did not have a biopsy because the doctor who was to do the biopsy said he couldn't see what the ED and the surgeon saw. He did agree to drain a seroma that was also detected using the CT angiogram done in the ED on the previous Monday. The CT machine was used to find the exact location of the seroma. A catheter (yes, another darn catheter...I severely dislike them!) was inserted into the area and it was drained. Starting to me, and slightly to the doctor, it was solid blood. Typically, seromas are clear lymph fluid, I believe. He said it is likely trauma from the mastectomy that I had traumatized by running. Hmmph. His recommendation is to compress the area when I do run but now I'm nervous to run again! The fluid was tested for malignant cancer cells becaue it was the side my cancer was on and no cancer was found in cytology. Thank goodness!

Back to the biospy...after he drained the seroma he told me he didn't want to biopsy the nodule on the right side becaue he couldn't see anything. I immediately began to cry. I was extremely embarrassed because there were two additional people in the room and they could see how upset I was. I explained that my cancer was intially dismissed as a cyst last year, but I insisted on it being removed, and it was found to be cancer that had already spread to my lymph nodes. At that point, the doctor had me get off the CT table and showed me the CT, and he explained his vantagepoint. He said based on the CT he looked at he thought that the pain and the nodule I feel may be cartilage between my sternum and the rib. There is a risk of puncturing a lung and he didn't want to take that chance.

Because of my fear, I was willing and wanted him to risk it. He wouldn't. I cried in the recovery room and for hours after that. I'd even walked to the hospital for the procedure and made an arrangement to get a ride home, and just walked home in tears, trying to make sense of the situation. Why did the PA from the ED and the surgeon see something that the doctor didn't see?

I have to come to terms with being a survivor of TNBC. Thinking I was being overly concerned and maybe too "paranoid" my oncologist told me that I must actually be diligent and he himself said "paranoid" about any little changes I may detect. He said there will be a time in three years when I can relax a little bit and then he'll tell me not to be so paranoid, but for now I must be.

I underwent additional testing last week and the pulmonologist firmly believes bloody coughing episode was brought on my bronchitis from inhaling the smoke from the wildfires. If at any point it happens again a bronchoscopy can be performed to investigate further. In all the testing, one health issue was detected and we are making some changes for a better outcome for my health.

It makes cancer survivorship a bit challenging when you have be looking around the proverbial corner to see if cancer is standing there in the shadows. I was happily going about my life when I got a bit of a wakeup call that I cannot dismiss cancer quite yet. Quite honestly, it put me into a bit of a tailspin. But, I am determined to be happy and not let the thought of a recurrence consume me. I will not!

On a different note, I am participating in a breast cancer support group. The name we agreed upon is "Breast of Friends." I am so thankful for their support. They understood my anguish and stress over the past month because they have been there. Each of us as a very unique and different experience. And that is a major point to bring up - for anyone reading my blog with TNBC or another form of breast cancer - please remember that this is my journey and that your journey will be very different from mine.

No comments:

Post a Comment