It has been 11 days since my double mastectomy. It seems like a year. I am still in pain and groggy. I have to sleep hours a day as my body tries to heal.
The morning of the surgery, Michael and I went to the University of Utah to check in at 9:30 a.m. My Dad and Ellen met us there as well as Michael's sister, Maureen. Maureen is stationed in Germany for the Air Force and had planned to come to Pocatello for Christmas. She happened to come into the SLC airport at a time that coincided with the surgery so I was able to see her before surgery, which meant a lot to me.
In pre-op a nurse walking by our room saw so many camera flashes he walked by twice to make sure there wasn't a VIP in the room. I said, "I'm not a VIP, it's my Dad taking pictures." I told the kids this story later and they said, to your Dad, you are a VIP.
The anesthesiologist came in to say hello and ask about previous surgeries and the surgeon came in. I introduced him to the members of my family. Dr. N is a very pleasant man. I appreciate it that he's talked to me personally on the phone after he spoke with the tumor board and that they all agreed surgery was required for my "elusive cancer."
They allowed me a chance to say goodbye to my family, which went by so quickly, and then whisked me away to the surgery room.
I remember the oxygen mask over my face and Dr. O, the anesthesiologist, telling me to breathe deeply and then he told me they were going to give me medication to put me to sleep for the surgery.
I remember waking up in post-op. I was in a lot of pain. I cried. I knew my breasts were gone. I cannot say my pain, or my loss, were the reason for the tears.
Once I was more stable, I was moved from the University of Utah to the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Mark A., it was my first ambulance ride! I told the crew that and asked if we could make an adjustment and I could be transported in the helicopter instead. At least my humor was still intact! Upon arrival at my room, my nurse and the EMT crew said there was no bed in the room. Then, they took me to another room, and that room didn't have the appropriate electrical outlets, so we were off to look for a room for me. I could hear Michael, my Dad, and Ellie around us as we tried to fine a spot for me.
Finally, tucked in my spot, I could relax. As much as you can in a hospital. I met the night nurses. They checked the two drain tubes in my chest, set up a PCA pump that I could hit every 10 minutes, or longer if I could wait. They asked if they could look at my dressings. In my research of mastectomies, I saw women after surgery and their chests were very tightly bound with dressings, so I said yes, expecting to see the same dressings they had. I had something completely different. I had two gauze strips and I could actually see the incisions on my chest. I'd informed the surgeon and team I'm allergic to steri-strips and have had issues with stitches in the past, so they used a special glue to close the incisions. The nurses said the incisions look very good. I wasn't so sure about it. To me, the left side is very concave almost as if he'd done a radical mastectomy, and on the right side it is very puckered and doesn't look good at all. Some areas are very swollen and will even out and smooth out, according to the nurses.
After this, my pain was not controlled with the PCA pump. It actually took us days to get the right combination for me to get my pain controlled. I spent three nights in the hospital. Every member of the staff at the Huntsman was very good to me and my family. I had a gorgeous view of the city from my room.
During my stay I had visits from three friends I went to Highland High School with. Lynn Kilpatrick, Penny Tippets Coleman, and Mike Taylor. It brings tears to my eyes now, tears of love and thankfulness. It amazes me friendships we started 25 years ago are still strong. I had a beautiful view of Salt Lake City from my room.
I was discharged in time to be home for Christmas. My entire family came to our house on Christmas and it was AMAZING. I am so blessed to have a supportive and loving family. I was so excited to watch the Packers play the Bears, but I couldn't stay awake. Conor kept waking me up to make sure I was okay, but I think he also wanted someone to watch the game with him. He'd gotten me an Aaron Rodgers jersey for Christmas and I was to tired to stay awake for the game.
I had to go back to the Hunstman on December 28th to have the drain tubes removed. It hurt having them taken out, but it's great to have them out. I always had to drain them myself because Michael didn't have the stomach for it. I threw up a few times at the hospital and even since we've been home I've thrown up a few times.
When we got home from the trip to Utah on the 28th, I was a little tired and my depth perception was off, and I fell down our stairs to the basement, not once, but twice. I have to have help going up and down the stair down. And, Michael has to help me in and out of bed.
I go back to see Dr. N next week to find out the path reports and have him take a look at the incisions. Next week I also need to contact the Portneuf Cancer Center and let them know the surgery has been done, so they can get me onto the schedule to start radiation, probably in 2 weeks or a little longer.
So, on this final day of 2011, I want to talk about resolutions. It is my MAIN New Year's Resolution to be CANCER FREE in 2012! I still have to undergo radiation, a hysterectomy, and reconstruction. After that it's my goal to regain better health, mentally and physically. I want to start slow, with walking, then move to running (5k with Pam and anyone else who wants to join us). I can't wait to start hiking up City Creek and doing yoga again. Enjoying the outdoors again.
I will enjoy more time with my family and friends. I'll become a grandmother in 2012. Conor and Bonnie are expecting in June. A new little life for our family will be good.
I will become a better cook and eat a more wholesome diet. I've received several cancer-fighting cookbooks and I fully intend to use them. Fighting cancer is a full-time job in itself but I want to go back to my favorite full-time job - public health.
Happy New Year's to all of you! I feel like this coming year is going to be better for me and it's my hope it will be GREAT for all of us. Remain positive. Be Happy. Be Joyful.