Wow, what a difference dose-dense chemotherapy made. I have been so sick since my treatment last week. The effect of chemotherapy is cumulative each round will be more difficult, but the whammy from the last round really got me.
I had my labwork done today at the Cancer Center and then met with a nurse practitioner. My white blood cells are up a bit, but still in the low range. I'm dehydrated despite the fact I've been drinking what I thought was enough water to keep dehydration a non-issue. I'm struggling with how fatigued I am, the nausea, thrush, bone pain, and the limitations my body is now feeling. Honestly, I sobbed at my appointment explaining how difficult the last week has been. The NP was compassionate and comforting (she gives great hugs too).
She gave me a printout of a quote by Mary Anne Radmacher: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'" I love it.
As always, I want to end on a positive note. Thank you to friends that comforted me and offered their comforting words of encouragement today as I cried.. And thank you to fantastic neighbors for bringing dinner this evening. It was SO good. Thank you. Okay, crying again...but tears of gratitude for the support.
Tomorrow is another day....
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Rebecca Rusch and Thrush - August 26, 2011
I was able to go to work for six hours today! Nausea and all. I wanted to push through because I had plans for the evening and didn't think I should go if I wasn't strong enough to put in some time at work.
After work, I took a two hour nap. When I woke up, my tongue was painful. I looked at it in the mirror and it was solid white. I called a friend and she confirmed what I thought it probably was "thrush." I called my dentist and he called in an anti-fungal rinse for my mouth. It hurts so I use my magic mouthwash with it. Just another sign my immune system is being bombarded by chemotherapy.
On to the evening's festivities. Dr. Fahim Rahim and Barrie's Sports brought Rebecca Rusch to Idaho State University for the showing of Race Across the Sky II. I was certainly in need of some motivation! Get this, I took my "are you terminal" hat with me and had her sign it! It now says, "You are Amazing ~Rebecca Rusch." I should have told her about the woman who asked me if I was terminal. Now, I'll wear that had with pride. Rebecca has won the Leadville 100 mountain bike race the last three years. She calls herself "The Queen of Pain." I've followed her for the last three years. She is a force! She said riding 100 miles or 24-hours is all in the mind. Your body can do the work if your mind believes it can. That almost brought me to tears. Just the inspiration I needed to hear after having quite a few hard days after Tuesday's chemo session.
Thrush, bone pain, nausea, sores in my throat and stomach, hair loss, extreme fatigue....cancer....I can mentally make the shift to mentally believe the chemotherapy is doing its work. It might tear me down, but I will get back up again.
But for now...back to bed.
After work, I took a two hour nap. When I woke up, my tongue was painful. I looked at it in the mirror and it was solid white. I called a friend and she confirmed what I thought it probably was "thrush." I called my dentist and he called in an anti-fungal rinse for my mouth. It hurts so I use my magic mouthwash with it. Just another sign my immune system is being bombarded by chemotherapy.
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| Idaho's own Rebecca Rusch! Inspirational for me! |
Thrush, bone pain, nausea, sores in my throat and stomach, hair loss, extreme fatigue....cancer....I can mentally make the shift to mentally believe the chemotherapy is doing its work. It might tear me down, but I will get back up again.
But for now...back to bed.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
MRI Normal and Other Stuff
Thank goodness... the MRI was normal. It's enough to have metastatic triple-negative breast cancer of unknown primary origin.
I'm going to come right out and say today has been a hard day. Yes, I received good news that there is no cancer in my spine. But, I've felt terrible all day. Rolling waves of nausea, bone pain, headache, and fatigue. I did some work until my fatigue took over. I slept all afternoon. I've had toast and ice cream. The only things that I thought I could keep down and sounded somewhat palatable. Every 6 hours I take Atavan and every 8 hours Zofran.
I talked with Michael today. That in itself was also upsetting. He had a growth hormone stress test on Monday. The results show his pituitary gland is quite damaged. We already knew this because his testosterone levels were so low. His growth hormone is low as well. Apparently he will need to get testosterone and growth hormone injections the rest of his life. Tonight, all of this is getting to me. How can he have this complicated brain injury and at the same time I have cancer?
I wish he was here to see the transformation of my bald head and lack of eyebrows. To hold my hand when I'm getting chemotherapy. To help me remember when to take my meds. In sickness and in health, right? But, there have been some complications along the way and that deal isn't working out. Clearly, I'm depressed. He is where he is supposed/needs to be. I'll just have to manage here. I know I have an overwhelming amount of support - and I'm thankful for it - I just simply wish he was home while I go through this. At the end of the day I'm lonely.
That being said, I'm emotional and tired. Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully without nausea and fatigue.
I'm going to come right out and say today has been a hard day. Yes, I received good news that there is no cancer in my spine. But, I've felt terrible all day. Rolling waves of nausea, bone pain, headache, and fatigue. I did some work until my fatigue took over. I slept all afternoon. I've had toast and ice cream. The only things that I thought I could keep down and sounded somewhat palatable. Every 6 hours I take Atavan and every 8 hours Zofran.
I talked with Michael today. That in itself was also upsetting. He had a growth hormone stress test on Monday. The results show his pituitary gland is quite damaged. We already knew this because his testosterone levels were so low. His growth hormone is low as well. Apparently he will need to get testosterone and growth hormone injections the rest of his life. Tonight, all of this is getting to me. How can he have this complicated brain injury and at the same time I have cancer?
I wish he was here to see the transformation of my bald head and lack of eyebrows. To hold my hand when I'm getting chemotherapy. To help me remember when to take my meds. In sickness and in health, right? But, there have been some complications along the way and that deal isn't working out. Clearly, I'm depressed. He is where he is supposed/needs to be. I'll just have to manage here. I know I have an overwhelming amount of support - and I'm thankful for it - I just simply wish he was home while I go through this. At the end of the day I'm lonely.
That being said, I'm emotional and tired. Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully without nausea and fatigue.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
MRI and Neulasta Shot-August 24, 2011
I woke up nauseated and exhausted. I went to work for a few hours. Then, I went to the Cancer Center, received my Nuelasta shot in the back of my arm. Then, I was to receive an IV contrast during the MRI and they indicated my port site could be used for it as well. My fear of the port is now greatly reduced since I've started using Emla cream.
I'm so tired I fell asleep several times during the MRI, which is a good thing because I get slightly claustrophobic in the tube. Afterwards, the MRI technician, hadn't taken out an IV access to a port before, so he put saline and heparine through the port, and I pulled it out. I don't know what I was thinking! Brooke, from the Cancer Center, said I could go back and have them take it out. I didn't think it would be that hard. I had blood to my waist by the time I finally got it out. And, it hurt like crazy/! I'll have to pay more attention when they take it out during my next chemo. I should find the MRI results tomorrow. Hoping for no mets to my spine. "Mets" is common cancer terminology for metastasis.
On to a less depressing subject. The Neulast shot. The extremely expensive shot. I had to find out more about it. Interestingly, I did. Just reading the patient insert at the Cancer Center peaked my curiosity. Straight from the Amgen, It says, "Neulasta is a man-made form of granulocyte colony-stimulating factor (G-CSF), which is made using the bacteria e.coli. G-CSF is a substance produced by the body. It stimulates the growth of neutrophils, a type of white blood cell important in the body's fight against infection." The most fascinating thing to me is that it's made using e.coli. I work in public health. We educate people on proper food preparation to prevent getting e.coli, and now I'm paying to receive it in my shots to bring my white blood cell counts up. I'd already read the most common side effect is bone pain. Others are splenic (spleen) rupture, Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), and allergic reaction. So, there is the result of my research. I want to do more research on what and how e.coli is used in the injection, but, frankly I'm tired and nauseated.
Time to go back to sleep.
I'm so tired I fell asleep several times during the MRI, which is a good thing because I get slightly claustrophobic in the tube. Afterwards, the MRI technician, hadn't taken out an IV access to a port before, so he put saline and heparine through the port, and I pulled it out. I don't know what I was thinking! Brooke, from the Cancer Center, said I could go back and have them take it out. I didn't think it would be that hard. I had blood to my waist by the time I finally got it out. And, it hurt like crazy/! I'll have to pay more attention when they take it out during my next chemo. I should find the MRI results tomorrow. Hoping for no mets to my spine. "Mets" is common cancer terminology for metastasis.
On to a less depressing subject. The Neulast shot. The extremely expensive shot. I had to find out more about it. Interestingly, I did. Just reading the patient insert at the Cancer Center peaked my curiosity. Straight from the Amgen, It says, "Neulasta is a man-made form of granulocyte colony-stimulating factor (G-CSF), which is made using the bacteria e.coli. G-CSF is a substance produced by the body. It stimulates the growth of neutrophils, a type of white blood cell important in the body's fight against infection." The most fascinating thing to me is that it's made using e.coli. I work in public health. We educate people on proper food preparation to prevent getting e.coli, and now I'm paying to receive it in my shots to bring my white blood cell counts up. I'd already read the most common side effect is bone pain. Others are splenic (spleen) rupture, Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), and allergic reaction. So, there is the result of my research. I want to do more research on what and how e.coli is used in the injection, but, frankly I'm tired and nauseated.
Time to go back to sleep.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Second Round of Chemo - August 23, 2011
Today my chemo session went well. Most of all, the cream on my port site helped immensely. The nurse also sprayed some freezing spray on it, but it was nothing compared to my first session. She drew blood from the port to check my WBC's and also blood to test my genetic risk for hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. It will take about 5 weeks to find out the results.
Secondly, we (my friend Jen E. went with me....thanks, Jen) met with Dr. Ririe and he said since I have asked for dose-dense therapy my chemo time will be reduced significantly. For the rest of my chemo it will be every two weeks and if I figured it out correctly, I will be done around November 15th! In time for Thanksgiving. Of course, I still have 5-6 weeks of radiation to still finish, but it's still good news that I will get done sooner. (The first plan was 6 months and 16 rounds of chemo. Dose-dense will make it 8 treatments! It's a catch-22 situation, because the dose-dense therapy will likely hit me pretty hard. But, if it kills the cancer, I'm ready for it.
I did tell him about my breathing difficulties (none today) and my back pain. He's scheduled an MRI for tomorrow. It's quite painful so I will be curious to see if it shows anything (hopefully not cancer). I have to saw I am so thankful for everyone on the entire team at the Cancer Center. They rock!
Secondly, we (my friend Jen E. went with me....thanks, Jen) met with Dr. Ririe and he said since I have asked for dose-dense therapy my chemo time will be reduced significantly. For the rest of my chemo it will be every two weeks and if I figured it out correctly, I will be done around November 15th! In time for Thanksgiving. Of course, I still have 5-6 weeks of radiation to still finish, but it's still good news that I will get done sooner. (The first plan was 6 months and 16 rounds of chemo. Dose-dense will make it 8 treatments! It's a catch-22 situation, because the dose-dense therapy will likely hit me pretty hard. But, if it kills the cancer, I'm ready for it.
I did tell him about my breathing difficulties (none today) and my back pain. He's scheduled an MRI for tomorrow. It's quite painful so I will be curious to see if it shows anything (hopefully not cancer). I have to saw I am so thankful for everyone on the entire team at the Cancer Center. They rock!
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| IV meds into my port. Dexamethazone, Emend, Adiramycin, Cytoxan, and Zofran. |
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| Tired, but happy to have another done down. Now, off to bed. Boy, did I get my but chewed by one of the nurses to REST, REST, REST. Message received. |
Monday, August 22, 2011
Chemo #2 Tomorrow, August 23, 2011
Yup, A/C Chemo 2 is tomorrow. I'm still quite wiped out with low WBC's. Over the weekend I had difficulty breathing and am having an issue with major spasms in my spine.
We had a large fire on one of our beloved mountains last week so I think has contributed to the breathing issue but I have no idea what I did to my back. I feel intense pressure in the back of my neck and all the way down my spine. I'll talk with the docs about both issues tomorrow.
I rested/napped a lot yesterday and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow last night. Because I still don't feel well, I'm resting today before being bombarded by chemo tomorrow. I hope my WBC's are high enough to get chemo!
A dear friend sent me this video and I LOVE it. Another of my mantra's: Be Strong.
We had a large fire on one of our beloved mountains last week so I think has contributed to the breathing issue but I have no idea what I did to my back. I feel intense pressure in the back of my neck and all the way down my spine. I'll talk with the docs about both issues tomorrow.
I rested/napped a lot yesterday and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow last night. Because I still don't feel well, I'm resting today before being bombarded by chemo tomorrow. I hope my WBC's are high enough to get chemo!
A dear friend sent me this video and I LOVE it. Another of my mantra's: Be Strong.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Balancing Act
Look at this incredible photo! It is by extraordinary artist Michael Grab. His medium is rocks and he balances them through a meditative act. I've loved photos like this for years and he now is another of my heroes. The photograph is a great metaphor for how I feel about my life right now. A balancing act.
I'm finding it very difficult to learn how to balance my life correctly right now. Yes, my last post was post-exercise adrenaline rush positiveness...and I've been incredibly tired since that day. I awoke early yesterday and went to work while I felt good. Today, I crashed big time. I was only able to stay at work an hour. I was back in bed and asleep as soon as my bed hit the pillow. Apparently, in this area I'm a slow learner. I listen to my body, but my head is saying I can push through. It's frustrating! I need to learn how to balance my life like Michael Grab. What an incredible talent. I'm so inspired. My rocks are family, friends, work, reading, laundry, cleaning, health/exercise, and now....cancer.
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| Find the story at http://www.gravityglue.com/About.html There is also an AMAZING video of this at: http://boingboing.net/2011/08/09/video-of-a-river-rock-balancer.html |
While I list cancer last, I've found it to be another full-time job, similar to Kris Carr's explanation of her research into her cancer diagnosis and battle in "Crazy Sexy Cancer." The bills are now pouring in daily and I review them mentally tallying how much it is costing but not being so uptight about it that I know exactly how much it is costing. I talked about the cost of the Neulasta shot last night with Andrea and Bryan (Sis and Boyfriend). Neulasta is essentially a white blood cell booster and it ranges from $8,000-$10,000 per shot. Yes, I said PER SHOT. So, as Bryan and I talked about the cost of the shot last night, I asked, "how do you put a price on your life?" And he said, "your life is priceless." Wow. That was so profound.
On a lighter note, my sister had mentioned a fruit called mangosteen that is supposed to be a new superfruit. She brought it up again last night in conversation and I immediately said, "I have mangosteen pee." It just blurted out of my mouth, but what I meant to say was I have peach mangosteen tea!!! For some reason, we both absolutely laughed about it until we were crying. It was a great moment, maybe one of those "you had to be there," but I had to acknowledge it because it was so hilarious. And we know I need some good laughs right now. [Note: they were visiting because we had furniture delivered. This was a BIG deal. My husband started a remodel project on the living room 3-4 years ago and sold our furniture in a band fundraiser yard sale and the only thing filling the living room since then has been wood, an air compressor, containers or stain, ladder...you get the picture. I am a very happy woman to have furniture in my living room to entertain guests again. It's not Michael's fault, he is adjusting to his life with a brain injury - again - learning the balancing act.]
In addition to worrying about the cost of cancer treatments (despite having great health insurance) I am now feeling more affects of the chemotherapy. My hair (stubble) had thinned quite a bit and my scalp was so sensitive I shaved it all off today. It has not grown for at least a week. I don't have to shave my legs any more. Chemotherapy BONUS! (the only one) I'm not freaked out about my hair at all.
What I don't like are the other new health-related side effects. I still have sores in my mouth/throat, and now added to the list is dry mouth and sensitive teeth, and the bone pain that has started in the last few days. And the bone pain is bound to get worse according to patient information on Neulasta. I know it's the first 1.5 miles of my personal cancer 26.2 mile marathon. I have a long way to go with treatments. I have a sense that exhaustion and pain are going to be pacing right alongside me on the journey. If it gets rid of the cancer, BRING IT. My life is priceless.
P.S. Thanks to all of you for being my cheerleaders in the crowd!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
GREAT Hike this Morning
I have only been to my favorite hiking spot once since my diagnosis. When I woke up I jumped up and got ready to go without even thinking twice about it. And it was so awesome! First off, I stopped to take a photo of a row of sunflowers and the path ahead of me. You can just see a gentleman and his two dogs in the photo. Their names were Maynard, Shadow, and Tim. I was feeling a bit emotional, wiping away a tear as we got to close to one another. I said "good morning" and he did as well. One of us said it was a beautiful morning. I said, "this is my first hike up here since my first chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer, so it's pretty special to me." After that we just had an honest conversation about ourselves. Clearly, I wear my heart on my sleeve and poured out my challenges of late. I said he probably didn't expect that kind of encounter this morning and he said "everything happens for a reason." We talked about spirituality and how important it is to life. Before we departed he said, "say hi to God." It was awesome!
My final photo is another of many I took, but it turned out so incredibly I also wanted to share. It's a sunflower that just looks to be glowing. It is now the wallpaper on my phone as a memento from such a wonderfully uplifting morning. And the day is just getting started!
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| A gift from above. |
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Terminal? I Think Not.
I went shopping today. For some items that will help my immune system. And, I got a few new goodies for myself. I bought pink towels for the kitchen. They have neat breast cancer awareness ribbons on them with butterflies. At the checkstand, the clerk said she thought they were cute. I said, "yes, I love them. I have breast cancer and am buying them for my kitchen." She immediately said, "are you terminal?" I think my jaw will be sore in the morning because it hit the floor. What a question!
I wish I would have thought quick enough to say "life is terminal." But, I just said, "no, I have an aggressive and advanced metastatic breast cancer. I'm going through chemotherapy and radiation to beat it." She wished me good luck and I left. Walking away I just laughed out loud. Amazed by her comment. I had on a nice hat to cover my head and had makeup on. I thought I looked pretty darn good today. That bubble was burst. After I unloaded the bags into my car I looked at myself in the mirror. I still think I look okay today. I am wicked tired. I had envisioned doing some additional shopping, and after that short trip and comment, I went home, ate lunch and took a nap.
Now that I've had some time to process what happened, I'm just sad she didn't think before she said what she did. Is she kicking herself now? Realizing it was insensitive? I'll never know. I certainly have said things I regretted immediately after saying them, we all have, but I think this also shows we must provide more education to the public that cancer is not the death sentence it once was. The field of oncology has made giant strides to beat this devastating disease. People are being screened and diagnosed sooner. Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments and alternative medicine, meditation, and so forth, are allowing people to beat cancer with improvements on quality of life while battling it with medications to make the battle easier.
I purchased watermelon, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, the towels, eye shadow, mascara, makeup remover, Butterfinger candy bars (two), hand sanitizer, echinicea tea, and mineral water (without carbonation because that hurts too much to drink right now). I was proud of the healthy items in my cart. Butterfinger candy bars are comfort food. Good for the soul.
If she would have simply thought about what I was purchasing, she would have realized I'm busy living, not thinking about dying. And that's what I'm doing!
P.S. The "THINK" photo is from Pure Nourishment. I follow her on Facebook and it popped up on FB this afternoon. Perfect timing.
P.S. The "THINK" photo is from Pure Nourishment. I follow her on Facebook and it popped up on FB this afternoon. Perfect timing.
Friday, August 12, 2011
One More Thing
I wanted to say a special "thank you" to my co-workers at the health department. Every Friday the staff can wear pink and/or hats or both to support breast cancer awareness and my journey. THANK YOU. And, thanks Lindsey for the idea. It warms my heart. Friday is always an awesome day and now even moreso!
Lab Results and More - August 12, 2011
Hmmm. I'm not even sure where to start. I guess, the greatest thing is that I stood up for myself and said I wanted the blood draw done in my hand/arm because my port area hurts so bad. Done. But, I have to prepare myself for my next chemo because that will need to be done through the port. I have a cream I'll apply to the area 45 minutes prior to the chemo session that I hope will do its intended job and numb the area. Really, I am not afraid of needles - I even have to watch them doing the draw - the port just HURTS.
So, a nurse practitioner met with me about 20 minutes later and told me my white blood cell counts are already critically low. Big bummer. Normal range is 3.9-9.0 K/uL and mine was 1.4 K/uL. My neutrophils were also a concern and very low. Normal range is 1.7-8.0 K/uL and mine was 0.5 K/uL. I have a copy of the lab work and other things are low as well, but these two are the ones they were the most concerned about.
White blood cells race to a site of infection and fight it. Neutrophils are a form of white blood cell that eat pathogenic cells. So, my ability to fight of infection is greatly compromised. I immediately wondered if I need to start wearing a mask. The NP read my mind and said I don't need to take that precaution yet. Just avoiding large gatherings and step up my hand washing. I work in public health and during H1N1 talked often about the importance of hand washing; she was preaching to the choir...although she would have cringed had I started to sing!
The next topic in my long list prepared last night for the appointment. Tackling the side effects from the anti-nausea medications. I'll only take Zofran next time and see if that does the trick. Apparently Compazine is well-known for my chief complaints.
Then, my sore throat and heart burn. The NP said I'm already exhibiting signs of esophagitis. I mouth sores and a pretty inflamed throat during my exam. She prescribed "miracle mouthwash" for me. It's a mixture of lidocaine, maalox, and benadryl. I tried it with lunch (the only shots I'll be drinking for now) and it made my lips and throat numb. Very odd feeling. The staff at Maag's, (love you guys) told me to carefully chew my food while taking this because it will affect my gag reflex and I could choke. I joked with them, "great, I have cancer, but I might die because I choked on a piece of steak." Note: another bucket list item is to be a stand-up comedienne. She also said people my age suffer from chemotherapy side effects moreso than a 70 year-old would. Strange. I would think younger people's immune system would conquer better. She actually said the little pediatric kids suffer the worst. So sad. But, the point is, chemo is doing its work and I'm getting sicker. Is it strange that I'm glad? It means the chemotherapy is doing its work. Killing good cells and bad.
Next, I asked for dose-dense chemotherapy. It was talked about in the appointment when I was told the of my chemotherapy options. I have a TNBC sister in Texas that started chemo five days before I did, and gets chemo every two weeks vs. my every three weeks. The oncologist, now also meeting with me, agreed we can go this route. My next chemotherapy has to be three weeks from my first, but after that I can schedule them every two weeks. I will have my second round on August 23rd. On August 24th, because of my low white blood cell count, I will receive a shot named Neulasta. It must be a wonder drug, because it ranges from $8,000-$10,000 per shot. I cringe, cringe, cringe regarding financial costs, but this is my life we're talking about.
They are now going to start making arrangements for Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer (HBOC) testing. As per its name it will determine if I carry genes for breast and ovarian cancer. Part of the tests will show if I'm positive for BRCA-1 and/or BRCA-2. If so, I would likely opt for a bi-lateral mastectomy and have my ovaries removed to reduce my chances for recurrence. I will weigh those options carefully and meet with genetic counselors. We'll see.
I think that sums up the appointment. Afterwards I had to go to the hospital and have an echocardiogram (ultrasound of my heart). Adriamycin, the red devil, can damage my heart. The ultrasound technician gave me a great compliment. She said my heart was very photogenic! NICE! She had a hard time seeing my endocardium, so I had to have a dye inserted through an IV to light things up a little more. It was wicked cool to see the valves in my heart flapping away. I thought they looked like turtle legs swimming. Hopefully no damage comes to my strong heart.
I took the afternoon off and slept for hours. A bit overwhelmed with the results and information learned today. I know I need to buckle down, work to keep germs/infection at bay, and stay rested.
So, a nurse practitioner met with me about 20 minutes later and told me my white blood cell counts are already critically low. Big bummer. Normal range is 3.9-9.0 K/uL and mine was 1.4 K/uL. My neutrophils were also a concern and very low. Normal range is 1.7-8.0 K/uL and mine was 0.5 K/uL. I have a copy of the lab work and other things are low as well, but these two are the ones they were the most concerned about.
White blood cells race to a site of infection and fight it. Neutrophils are a form of white blood cell that eat pathogenic cells. So, my ability to fight of infection is greatly compromised. I immediately wondered if I need to start wearing a mask. The NP read my mind and said I don't need to take that precaution yet. Just avoiding large gatherings and step up my hand washing. I work in public health and during H1N1 talked often about the importance of hand washing; she was preaching to the choir...although she would have cringed had I started to sing!
The next topic in my long list prepared last night for the appointment. Tackling the side effects from the anti-nausea medications. I'll only take Zofran next time and see if that does the trick. Apparently Compazine is well-known for my chief complaints.
Then, my sore throat and heart burn. The NP said I'm already exhibiting signs of esophagitis. I mouth sores and a pretty inflamed throat during my exam. She prescribed "miracle mouthwash" for me. It's a mixture of lidocaine, maalox, and benadryl. I tried it with lunch (the only shots I'll be drinking for now) and it made my lips and throat numb. Very odd feeling. The staff at Maag's, (love you guys) told me to carefully chew my food while taking this because it will affect my gag reflex and I could choke. I joked with them, "great, I have cancer, but I might die because I choked on a piece of steak." Note: another bucket list item is to be a stand-up comedienne. She also said people my age suffer from chemotherapy side effects moreso than a 70 year-old would. Strange. I would think younger people's immune system would conquer better. She actually said the little pediatric kids suffer the worst. So sad. But, the point is, chemo is doing its work and I'm getting sicker. Is it strange that I'm glad? It means the chemotherapy is doing its work. Killing good cells and bad.
Next, I asked for dose-dense chemotherapy. It was talked about in the appointment when I was told the of my chemotherapy options. I have a TNBC sister in Texas that started chemo five days before I did, and gets chemo every two weeks vs. my every three weeks. The oncologist, now also meeting with me, agreed we can go this route. My next chemotherapy has to be three weeks from my first, but after that I can schedule them every two weeks. I will have my second round on August 23rd. On August 24th, because of my low white blood cell count, I will receive a shot named Neulasta. It must be a wonder drug, because it ranges from $8,000-$10,000 per shot. I cringe, cringe, cringe regarding financial costs, but this is my life we're talking about.
They are now going to start making arrangements for Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer (HBOC) testing. As per its name it will determine if I carry genes for breast and ovarian cancer. Part of the tests will show if I'm positive for BRCA-1 and/or BRCA-2. If so, I would likely opt for a bi-lateral mastectomy and have my ovaries removed to reduce my chances for recurrence. I will weigh those options carefully and meet with genetic counselors. We'll see.
I think that sums up the appointment. Afterwards I had to go to the hospital and have an echocardiogram (ultrasound of my heart). Adriamycin, the red devil, can damage my heart. The ultrasound technician gave me a great compliment. She said my heart was very photogenic! NICE! She had a hard time seeing my endocardium, so I had to have a dye inserted through an IV to light things up a little more. It was wicked cool to see the valves in my heart flapping away. I thought they looked like turtle legs swimming. Hopefully no damage comes to my strong heart.
I took the afternoon off and slept for hours. A bit overwhelmed with the results and information learned today. I know I need to buckle down, work to keep germs/infection at bay, and stay rested.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
First Labs Tomorrow
Tomorrow I go to the cancer center in the morning to get lab work done to check my white blood cell and platelet counts. I'm EXTREMELY anxious about it already because they will use my port. I am not typically afraid of needles, but my first chemo was one day after the port was placed in my chest and it HURT so much when they pushed the needle into my chest. Yes, it goes through the skin and for chemo, the needle was large and one inch long. Major anxiety for tomorrow.
I have other concerns as well. I had a bloody nose last night. I haven't had a bloody nose for years. I have also developed sores in the back of my throat, and I think down my esophagus. I am having difficulty with eating and drinking. To deal with the boredom of drinking water I usually have club soda at dinner and I can't drink it any longer. The carbonation burns going down. Like, painful. So, no more club soda. I've also had trouble this week with heartburn and cannot tolerate mild spice of Mexican food at all. Very sad, because I've been craving it. They explained in my last appointment this would happen. Chemotherapy kills cancer cells and all new cells. Yes, hair cells, but the cells from your mouth through your intestinal system are all new cells as well. Thus, they were insistent I get an anti-diarrhea medication because that will become an issue too. How much fun is this?! The fun comes tonight. Conor picked up ice cream from a local shop for Olivia and I. She's feeling under the weather today. (Thank you, Conor. Feel better, Olivia.) Besides Frosty's I'm not a big ice cream fan, but love sherbet, so I cannot wait for that a little later tonight to soothe my throat.
It's fine as long as chemo is doing it's job. I forgot to mention this...when I had my chemo on August 2nd I asked the P.A. to feel the lump under my arm. She did, and agreed it's a lump. She said, "if it's cancer, the chemotherapy will make it smaller, and if it's not then we'll know it's something else." I was thankful she at least acknowledged it's a lump and not "in my head." Hopefully, with more chemo it goes away! I think it's now much larger than the tumor removed from my breast in the first surgery. Argh.
I have to say, I'm actually really enjoying being creative with hats and scarves. It's HOT here in southeastern Idaho right now, so when I'm on my way home at night I rip them off on my way home from work. I actually enjoy the freedom from wearing something to cover my baldness. I'm still feeling a little self-conscious about my baldness. Mainly because my scalp hasn't seen sunlight in years and my head is very white. A co-worker said I should use a little tanning cream - a good suggestion I may try! I also love that I'm not having bad hair days and it's VERY quick getting ready in the morning! Love, love, love that freedom! Yes, it's freeing. I"m not defined by my hair. And, I'm not going to be defined by cancer.
I hear people say often, "I'm not defined by my cancer." I have time now where I go for longer moments of time without thinking about cancer - but I have to admit I feel very preoccupied by cancer. There are appointments, paperwork, and my thoughts. The "what if's?" Sure, you can say I need to stay positive, and I am, but I have those thoughts. I wonder, should really develop a bucket list?
Don't freak out, I'm not planning my funeral. With the exception and reminder to my husband kids that Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum must be played! I've been saying that for years. Right now, it's a mental list, with the exception of wanting to go to the Tour de France, and possibly starting a LiveSTRONG organization in Idaho. The Lance Armstrong Foundation has contacted me about cancer following a question I had on their site and they have provided me with a great deal of information for where I can look for help in certain areas. As I viewed their site for cancer patients, at www.livestrong.org, I noticed Idaho is not listed as a state with an organization for LiveSTRONG. Those that know me well know I draw great inspiration from Lance. Yes, I call him "Lance," as if I've actually met him and know him well! (Darin, you can laugh!!! ) So, minor funeral planning aside.....I'm LIVING. I'm speaking my mind a little more and am working diligently on the mindset to LIVE IN THE MOMENT .
I'm also missing Michael a lot. He's now been at Casa Colina, a hospital in southern California since June 20th. I can tell by his voice at night he's still battling acute headaches. A specialist from UCLA went to the hospital to see him at the end of July, prescribed a new pain med, and said, "I'll see you in a month." So, he's in the hospital wing for brain and spinal cord injuries, on a plastic hospital bed with a plastic pillow going through physical and occupational therapy every day. It's hell for him. For us. I go through the motions of daily life and then think to myself, "I haven't seen my husband since I was diagnosed with cancer." That sucks. I mean, it really sucks. [Note: he hit two bombs in Iraq during his first tour of duty in 2006, the five year anniversary was July 31st and August 1st. I find it ironic that I started chemotherapy almost exactly five years to the day that he hit the bombs.] I'll talk to him soon. We talk nightly. The length depends on how each of us is feeling. Sometimes it's brief. Last night both of us felt well enough to talk for an hour. It was great. Miss you, honey.
Okay, off to do some reading for work. Luckily, I have one night a week that I don't need to worry about dinner. My Sissy is bringing dinner tonight. She and Olivia have a deal to cook together once a week, but like I said, Olivia is feeling under the weather, so my Sis is bringing food over. Jimmy Dean's special recipe by a family friend. So thankful, Sissy. Grateful. Always remember to be GRATEFUL.
I have other concerns as well. I had a bloody nose last night. I haven't had a bloody nose for years. I have also developed sores in the back of my throat, and I think down my esophagus. I am having difficulty with eating and drinking. To deal with the boredom of drinking water I usually have club soda at dinner and I can't drink it any longer. The carbonation burns going down. Like, painful. So, no more club soda. I've also had trouble this week with heartburn and cannot tolerate mild spice of Mexican food at all. Very sad, because I've been craving it. They explained in my last appointment this would happen. Chemotherapy kills cancer cells and all new cells. Yes, hair cells, but the cells from your mouth through your intestinal system are all new cells as well. Thus, they were insistent I get an anti-diarrhea medication because that will become an issue too. How much fun is this?! The fun comes tonight. Conor picked up ice cream from a local shop for Olivia and I. She's feeling under the weather today. (Thank you, Conor. Feel better, Olivia.) Besides Frosty's I'm not a big ice cream fan, but love sherbet, so I cannot wait for that a little later tonight to soothe my throat.
It's fine as long as chemo is doing it's job. I forgot to mention this...when I had my chemo on August 2nd I asked the P.A. to feel the lump under my arm. She did, and agreed it's a lump. She said, "if it's cancer, the chemotherapy will make it smaller, and if it's not then we'll know it's something else." I was thankful she at least acknowledged it's a lump and not "in my head." Hopefully, with more chemo it goes away! I think it's now much larger than the tumor removed from my breast in the first surgery. Argh.
I have to say, I'm actually really enjoying being creative with hats and scarves. It's HOT here in southeastern Idaho right now, so when I'm on my way home at night I rip them off on my way home from work. I actually enjoy the freedom from wearing something to cover my baldness. I'm still feeling a little self-conscious about my baldness. Mainly because my scalp hasn't seen sunlight in years and my head is very white. A co-worker said I should use a little tanning cream - a good suggestion I may try! I also love that I'm not having bad hair days and it's VERY quick getting ready in the morning! Love, love, love that freedom! Yes, it's freeing. I"m not defined by my hair. And, I'm not going to be defined by cancer.
I hear people say often, "I'm not defined by my cancer." I have time now where I go for longer moments of time without thinking about cancer - but I have to admit I feel very preoccupied by cancer. There are appointments, paperwork, and my thoughts. The "what if's?" Sure, you can say I need to stay positive, and I am, but I have those thoughts. I wonder, should really develop a bucket list?
Don't freak out, I'm not planning my funeral. With the exception and reminder to my husband kids that Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum must be played! I've been saying that for years. Right now, it's a mental list, with the exception of wanting to go to the Tour de France, and possibly starting a LiveSTRONG organization in Idaho. The Lance Armstrong Foundation has contacted me about cancer following a question I had on their site and they have provided me with a great deal of information for where I can look for help in certain areas. As I viewed their site for cancer patients, at www.livestrong.org, I noticed Idaho is not listed as a state with an organization for LiveSTRONG. Those that know me well know I draw great inspiration from Lance. Yes, I call him "Lance," as if I've actually met him and know him well! (Darin, you can laugh!!! ) So, minor funeral planning aside.....I'm LIVING. I'm speaking my mind a little more and am working diligently on the mindset to LIVE IN THE MOMENT .
I'm also missing Michael a lot. He's now been at Casa Colina, a hospital in southern California since June 20th. I can tell by his voice at night he's still battling acute headaches. A specialist from UCLA went to the hospital to see him at the end of July, prescribed a new pain med, and said, "I'll see you in a month." So, he's in the hospital wing for brain and spinal cord injuries, on a plastic hospital bed with a plastic pillow going through physical and occupational therapy every day. It's hell for him. For us. I go through the motions of daily life and then think to myself, "I haven't seen my husband since I was diagnosed with cancer." That sucks. I mean, it really sucks. [Note: he hit two bombs in Iraq during his first tour of duty in 2006, the five year anniversary was July 31st and August 1st. I find it ironic that I started chemotherapy almost exactly five years to the day that he hit the bombs.] I'll talk to him soon. We talk nightly. The length depends on how each of us is feeling. Sometimes it's brief. Last night both of us felt well enough to talk for an hour. It was great. Miss you, honey.
Okay, off to do some reading for work. Luckily, I have one night a week that I don't need to worry about dinner. My Sissy is bringing dinner tonight. She and Olivia have a deal to cook together once a week, but like I said, Olivia is feeling under the weather, so my Sis is bringing food over. Jimmy Dean's special recipe by a family friend. So thankful, Sissy. Grateful. Always remember to be GRATEFUL.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Feeling Better...Thank Goodness!
Yes! I am feeling better! I am SO happy about it! I've had a few moments today when I thought I was going to "lose my cookies" but they quickly went away. Around noon, it occurred to me that I was able to concentrate so much better and maybe it was because I was taking the anti-nausea medications. I abhor nausea and vomiting so I just hugged my Zofran and Compazine with love.
This evening, I looked up some of the issues I've been dealing with the last four days and they were explained by the side effects list for the two drugs.
- Blurred vision
- Agitation
- Nausea (which is what they are supposed to stop)
- Fatigue
- A word that rhymes with anticipation
Lesson learned - read the information guides from pharmacy regardless of how desperately you want the medication to work. I will be asking for something different after my next round of chemo. I actually go to the cancer center on Friday, during what they refer to as the "nadir," which is used in chemotherapy treatment when looking at blood counts such as white blood cells and platelets. So, maybe I'll bring it up then. But, I loathe vomiting, so maybe I have to deal with the side effects. I hope not.
I treated myself to a little online retail therapy and purchased items from The Breast Cancer Store. Four percent of the purchase goes towards the cost of a mammogram for someone (bonus). I love everything I got, but one in particular I wanted to share. It's a bracelet and it says:
What Cancer Cannot Do: corrode faith, shatter hope, destroy peace, silence courage, invade the soul, steal eternal life, conquer the soul, cripple love, kill friendship, suppress memories.
LOVE that. Huh?!
I also watched the movie "Crazy Sexy Cancer" by Kris Carr. It was good! Inspirational. She has written books about healthy eating while living with cancer. Another book to read! So many books and so little time.
This evening, I looked up some of the issues I've been dealing with the last four days and they were explained by the side effects list for the two drugs.
- Blurred vision
- Agitation
- Nausea (which is what they are supposed to stop)
- Fatigue
- A word that rhymes with anticipation
Lesson learned - read the information guides from pharmacy regardless of how desperately you want the medication to work. I will be asking for something different after my next round of chemo. I actually go to the cancer center on Friday, during what they refer to as the "nadir," which is used in chemotherapy treatment when looking at blood counts such as white blood cells and platelets. So, maybe I'll bring it up then. But, I loathe vomiting, so maybe I have to deal with the side effects. I hope not.
I treated myself to a little online retail therapy and purchased items from The Breast Cancer Store. Four percent of the purchase goes towards the cost of a mammogram for someone (bonus). I love everything I got, but one in particular I wanted to share. It's a bracelet and it says:
What Cancer Cannot Do: corrode faith, shatter hope, destroy peace, silence courage, invade the soul, steal eternal life, conquer the soul, cripple love, kill friendship, suppress memories.
LOVE that. Huh?!
I also watched the movie "Crazy Sexy Cancer" by Kris Carr. It was good! Inspirational. She has written books about healthy eating while living with cancer. Another book to read! So many books and so little time.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Shortage on Chemo Drugs
I mentioned the other day there is a shortage of one of my chemotherapy drugs. Here is the story from ABC News.
It's a long article, but for someone like myself, who was told Taxol would be part of my treatment plan, it was worth reading, and distressing, to say the least. There is a video and a long article. Both are worth watching/reading if you're interested.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/chemo-drug-taxol-shortage-leaves-doctors-scrambling-cancer/story?id=13906891
Still feeling rough. Very nauseated and fatigued. A little down. All a normal part of the process, I'm sure.
It's a long article, but for someone like myself, who was told Taxol would be part of my treatment plan, it was worth reading, and distressing, to say the least. There is a video and a long article. Both are worth watching/reading if you're interested.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/chemo-drug-taxol-shortage-leaves-doctors-scrambling-cancer/story?id=13906891
Still feeling rough. Very nauseated and fatigued. A little down. All a normal part of the process, I'm sure.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Four Days After 1st Chemo
It is Saturday night. A storm is blowing through the area. I love a good storm. Wind whipping through the trees and lightning and thunder making their presence known. Of late, our Jack Russell Terrier has taken to barking at thunder. Most dogs cower at the sound, and Gidget with her little-dog Napoleon complex, barks like crazy as if she can hush the great noise from the sky. It is hilarious.
While thinking of storms, I wonder if there is something akin to a storm taking place in my body? I am extremely fatigued and nauseated. Those are the signs and symptoms that chemotherapy is doing its job. I'm very grateful for Zofran and Compazine to keep nausea in check. I have been close to vomiting, but fortunately it hasn't happened yet. My appetite is a little to be desired, but I am making sure to eat small meals to keep my strength up.
Last night I went to my 25 year class reunion. It was an 80's reunion for Pocatello and Highland High School. I did not wear a hat to cover my baldness. First, it was simply too hot to wear a hat; and second, I am having more frequent hot flashes - so I went sans hat. Everyone was incredibly supportive and said I rocked the bald look. I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection as we walked in and it still takes my breath away to see my hair is gone. It was uplifting to go and see friends that I had gone to school with since I was eight years old. Very good for my spirits. Not so good for my fatigue factor. I've slept most of the day.
I should also mention that I saw the surgeon yesterday. My chest where the port was put in is still extremely sore. I called the nurse and she had me come in. Then, the surgeon took a look at it and said it looks like it is healing well, despite the bruising and two inch incision, but it HURTS. I told her it hurts to walk, to talk, and to move. She asked about pain meds I'm taking. I told her I've been taking Ibuprofen 800. She thought I had something stronger. And scolded me for not having called sooner. I was so groggy when I got out of surgery I misunderstood and thought all I needed was Ibuprofen. Now I have something much stronger than Ibuprofen. Thank goodness.
I'm still listening to visualization tapes and guided imagery. I visualize the chemotherapy drugs killing off each little cancer cell. One tape I listen to says they will burn, blister, and shrivel after being subjected to chemotherapy. That's good! Zap, burn, and die, to all the little evil cells.
Back to sleep.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Chemotherapy #1 - August 2, 2011
Chemo numero uno is finito. (And that's the extent of my Spanish despite having taken it twice on college.)
My Sis, Olivia, and Conor went with me. We got a thorough review of what was to take place, side effects of the medications, and so forth, from a PA named Jennifer. She was great! Everyone at the Cancer Center is. She did tell me that I may not get Taxol for 12 weeks at the end of my chemo, because there is a nationwide shortage of it. Instead, if it is not available, I would get something called Taxotere. I have mixed feelings about it. Taxotere would only be every three weeks for four cycles whereas the Taxol would be every week for 12 weeks. I want what the doc originally suggested, even if it's every week for 12 weeks. I want the big guns to kill all of the cancer. I'm going to research why there is a shortage and will post about it later.
Jennifer explained they consider chemotherapy a cycle of death, growth, and life. In this cycle, my white blood cell counts will be taken between days 10-14, which is the "nadir" and lowest point my immune system will be during the cycle. I've been given a new thermometer and the biggest thing to watch for is infection. Got it. I'm scheduled to go in for lab work on August 12th and I will also get an echocardiogram that day to get a baseline of my heart. Adriamycin can damage my heart. One of the drugs can also cause leukemia later but I'm not concerned about that at the moment. Just killing the current cancer cells inhabiting my body.
Then, my groupies and I moved to the chemo suite. Saralee and Brooke were the oncology nurses today. I explained that my port was placed in my chest yesterday and VERY tender. Saralee sprayed a numbing spray on it and inserted a 1 inch needle into the port to start my IV's. I would rate the pain as excruciating. I locked on to my sister's eyes and used her energy to get through it, and a few prayers. Olivia is petrified of needles and almost passed out herself.
Then I received Zofran, Dexamethazone, and Emend. All anti-nausea meds. I was given scripts for Zofran and Compazine to take at home. Then, first chemotherapy drug, Adriamycin, was injected into my line. It's nicknamed the "red devil" because it is BRIGHT red. It's also highly toxic. It will burn skin on contact so extra precautions must be taken with it. Sarahlee put three syringes into my IV/Port.
Next, was the chemotherapy drug, Cytoxan, and it took about an hour to go through. At one point I needed to go to the bathroom and Andrea/Sissy escorted me. She didn't want to let me out of her site...so cute. She whispered through the door and asked if my pee was red yet. SO FUNNY! We giggled like crazy. It was too! I let her in the room to view the reddish colored pee! At the end of the session she was rubbing my leg and said I rock...and I said, "I'm more like a boulder!" More major giggling. SO great to be laughing even while getting chemo!
We left the cancer center around 12:45 pm. We got some groceries. I wasn't quite sure what to shop for. Jennifer said I should avoid all of my favorite foods because I will dislike them for the rest of my life after chemotherapy. My sister and I talked about that...what in the world do you eat if you can't eat your favorite foods?! Conor said, "liver and onions" when we talked about it on the way home. UGH. And double UGH.
Now, I'm just extremely tired. The port area still hurts like crazy. I can barely move my right arm. Oh, I forgot to mention, when the surgeon said there were pockets of pus in the area where she put the "PowerPort." She was perplexed by that and said we need to watch it closely for infection. Will do.
I tried to nap this afternoon, but couldn't. I'm tired. But I feel strange. Maybe it's the anti-nausea medications. I visualized the chemotherapy medications doing their work to eliminate the cancer cells. Wocka, wocka, wocka! My hands and feet are swelling tonight. I don't remember this being a listed side effect. Must look at my paperwork to see if it is a side effect - and elevate.
Just a few pics from my day below:
My Sis, Olivia, and Conor went with me. We got a thorough review of what was to take place, side effects of the medications, and so forth, from a PA named Jennifer. She was great! Everyone at the Cancer Center is. She did tell me that I may not get Taxol for 12 weeks at the end of my chemo, because there is a nationwide shortage of it. Instead, if it is not available, I would get something called Taxotere. I have mixed feelings about it. Taxotere would only be every three weeks for four cycles whereas the Taxol would be every week for 12 weeks. I want what the doc originally suggested, even if it's every week for 12 weeks. I want the big guns to kill all of the cancer. I'm going to research why there is a shortage and will post about it later.
Jennifer explained they consider chemotherapy a cycle of death, growth, and life. In this cycle, my white blood cell counts will be taken between days 10-14, which is the "nadir" and lowest point my immune system will be during the cycle. I've been given a new thermometer and the biggest thing to watch for is infection. Got it. I'm scheduled to go in for lab work on August 12th and I will also get an echocardiogram that day to get a baseline of my heart. Adriamycin can damage my heart. One of the drugs can also cause leukemia later but I'm not concerned about that at the moment. Just killing the current cancer cells inhabiting my body.
Then, my groupies and I moved to the chemo suite. Saralee and Brooke were the oncology nurses today. I explained that my port was placed in my chest yesterday and VERY tender. Saralee sprayed a numbing spray on it and inserted a 1 inch needle into the port to start my IV's. I would rate the pain as excruciating. I locked on to my sister's eyes and used her energy to get through it, and a few prayers. Olivia is petrified of needles and almost passed out herself.
Then I received Zofran, Dexamethazone, and Emend. All anti-nausea meds. I was given scripts for Zofran and Compazine to take at home. Then, first chemotherapy drug, Adriamycin, was injected into my line. It's nicknamed the "red devil" because it is BRIGHT red. It's also highly toxic. It will burn skin on contact so extra precautions must be taken with it. Sarahlee put three syringes into my IV/Port.
Next, was the chemotherapy drug, Cytoxan, and it took about an hour to go through. At one point I needed to go to the bathroom and Andrea/Sissy escorted me. She didn't want to let me out of her site...so cute. She whispered through the door and asked if my pee was red yet. SO FUNNY! We giggled like crazy. It was too! I let her in the room to view the reddish colored pee! At the end of the session she was rubbing my leg and said I rock...and I said, "I'm more like a boulder!" More major giggling. SO great to be laughing even while getting chemo!
We left the cancer center around 12:45 pm. We got some groceries. I wasn't quite sure what to shop for. Jennifer said I should avoid all of my favorite foods because I will dislike them for the rest of my life after chemotherapy. My sister and I talked about that...what in the world do you eat if you can't eat your favorite foods?! Conor said, "liver and onions" when we talked about it on the way home. UGH. And double UGH.
Now, I'm just extremely tired. The port area still hurts like crazy. I can barely move my right arm. Oh, I forgot to mention, when the surgeon said there were pockets of pus in the area where she put the "PowerPort." She was perplexed by that and said we need to watch it closely for infection. Will do.
I tried to nap this afternoon, but couldn't. I'm tired. But I feel strange. Maybe it's the anti-nausea medications. I visualized the chemotherapy medications doing their work to eliminate the cancer cells. Wocka, wocka, wocka! My hands and feet are swelling tonight. I don't remember this being a listed side effect. Must look at my paperwork to see if it is a side effect - and elevate.
Just a few pics from my day below:
 |
| Adriamycin, AKA the red devil. |
 |
| Sad face because the insertion of the needle into the port hurt so badly! |
 |
| Beautiful flowers from Jackie and Peggy. Thank you! |
 |
| Here is our family last Christmas. What my hair used to look like. Now I look like my husband! |
Port Placement & Chemo Kickoff
I had surgery to have the port placed below my clavicle yesterday. There is a round plastic and metal object and a line that goes directly into my subclavian artery.
First off, while talking to the nurse in pre-op we realized her cousin went to Iraq with Michael on his second tour of duty! What a small world. His name is Ira and he is an AWESOME guy. She was GREAT as well. Small world. The Lord put her in the room with me, I'm sure.
For some reason I thought I was just going to get a local and I would be awake during the procedure and that it would only take 15 minutes. I misunderstood. They heavily sedated me with Versed and Propofal and it took an hour. Conor was my chauffeur to the hospital and was there to hold my hand. (Olivia started marching band practice yesterday!!!) It was, and is, very painful. I bled through the dressings so I had to change them last night. I can barely lift my arm. I cannot see how they will be able to use it to give me chemotherapy today. It HURTS terribly. I know they have a numbing cream. Maybe that will be the trick.
The other stressor is the surgeon said she saw pockets of pus in the area where she put the port. I was very groggy so I cannot remember anything other than she said she is concerned about infection. I'm wondering how/why in the world I have pus in that area? The area seemed perfectly fine to me. They also gave me a packet of information about the port. It's called a "PowerPort." I now have a bracelet to go with my LiveSTRONG and breast cancer awareness bracelets. Medical providers need to know what brand it is.
I also had a reaction to the pain meds - ITCHING!!! Typically I take Benadryl to make the itching stop but they wanted me to take it after I got home because I had so many other meds in my system. So, Conor held my hand and kept me from itching. He's 19 and works part-time so I don't see him often. It was so good to spend time with him.
We left the hospital around 3 p.m. and went home quickly and went to a birthday party for a five year old. Both children were going and I didn't want to be alone - and I ADORE he little boy. His name is Aiden. He's the one that let me wear his superhero cape when I had my head shaved. In fact, I was emotional last night and started crying telling his parents that I love Aiden so much. He brings great joy to my life. I relaxed and just took in the energy of all the beautiful children at the party.
Olivia and I watched True Grit when we got home. I want to win this battle with my own sheet determination and grit. It was good. I nodded off a few ties, but LOVED it.
I am trying to think of a way to visualize the chemo drugs killing the cancer. I wish I had something profound and beautiful I visualize, but I think of Pac Man chomping away at them. Wocka, wocka, wocka! Funny, huh?!
So, now it's time to drink some hot tea and pack my bag for the Cancer Center. Treatment #1 coming in a few hours. My Sissy, Conor, and Olivia are going with me. One hour of education and then 1.5-2 hours of chemo. I'm ready to get started and allow the medicine to kill the cancer cells in my body!
First off, while talking to the nurse in pre-op we realized her cousin went to Iraq with Michael on his second tour of duty! What a small world. His name is Ira and he is an AWESOME guy. She was GREAT as well. Small world. The Lord put her in the room with me, I'm sure.
For some reason I thought I was just going to get a local and I would be awake during the procedure and that it would only take 15 minutes. I misunderstood. They heavily sedated me with Versed and Propofal and it took an hour. Conor was my chauffeur to the hospital and was there to hold my hand. (Olivia started marching band practice yesterday!!!) It was, and is, very painful. I bled through the dressings so I had to change them last night. I can barely lift my arm. I cannot see how they will be able to use it to give me chemotherapy today. It HURTS terribly. I know they have a numbing cream. Maybe that will be the trick.
The other stressor is the surgeon said she saw pockets of pus in the area where she put the port. I was very groggy so I cannot remember anything other than she said she is concerned about infection. I'm wondering how/why in the world I have pus in that area? The area seemed perfectly fine to me. They also gave me a packet of information about the port. It's called a "PowerPort." I now have a bracelet to go with my LiveSTRONG and breast cancer awareness bracelets. Medical providers need to know what brand it is.
I also had a reaction to the pain meds - ITCHING!!! Typically I take Benadryl to make the itching stop but they wanted me to take it after I got home because I had so many other meds in my system. So, Conor held my hand and kept me from itching. He's 19 and works part-time so I don't see him often. It was so good to spend time with him.
We left the hospital around 3 p.m. and went home quickly and went to a birthday party for a five year old. Both children were going and I didn't want to be alone - and I ADORE he little boy. His name is Aiden. He's the one that let me wear his superhero cape when I had my head shaved. In fact, I was emotional last night and started crying telling his parents that I love Aiden so much. He brings great joy to my life. I relaxed and just took in the energy of all the beautiful children at the party.
Olivia and I watched True Grit when we got home. I want to win this battle with my own sheet determination and grit. It was good. I nodded off a few ties, but LOVED it.
I am trying to think of a way to visualize the chemo drugs killing the cancer. I wish I had something profound and beautiful I visualize, but I think of Pac Man chomping away at them. Wocka, wocka, wocka! Funny, huh?!
So, now it's time to drink some hot tea and pack my bag for the Cancer Center. Treatment #1 coming in a few hours. My Sissy, Conor, and Olivia are going with me. One hour of education and then 1.5-2 hours of chemo. I'm ready to get started and allow the medicine to kill the cancer cells in my body!
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